Understanding autism masking

Many neurodivergent children, particularly those who are autistic, can appear very different at home from how they are at school. For example, school may be telling you that your child is well behaved, quiet, friendly, and hardworking. However, when they get home, your child melts down or shuts down immediately and appears extremely distressed – and tells you what an awful day they’ve had. If this is happening to your child, it is highly likely that they are ‘masking’ at school.

There are three types of ‘masking’:

• Masking- saying you’re okay when you’re not, often to avoid interaction or being focused on.
  
  

• Camouflaging- acting like others, in order to fit in.
  
  

• Fawning/people pleasing - doing what other people tell you to say or do in order to make or maintain friendships, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

Masking can be exhausting. It takes up a lot of energy and may lead to ‘autistic burnout’ in some children when it just becomes too hard to continue to ‘put on the mask’ at school.

It may feel challenging to talk with school if your child is masking, because your school may not recognise that you are having the level of difficulties at home that you are. However, more schools are becoming aware of ‘masking’ and are starting to recognise that it's important to put support in at school, so that your child doesn't bottle everything up and meltdown or shutdown when they get home. Here are some strategies you could ask your school to put in place for your child if they are masking:

• Ask for an e-mail to be sent round to let all teachers know that they shouldn't ‘spotlight’ your child in a lesson (not asking them questions in front of everybody else).
  
  

• Ask for your child to be seated near supportive friends in lessons. The friend acts as a kind of ‘anchor’ to help them feel reassured about what they are meant to be doing. This also avoids them having to interact with children that they don't know, which might induce anxiety.
  
  

• Ask for teachers to offer support to your child in a covert way, for example quietly asking them how they can help them in a lesson, rather than asking them in front of the class.
  
  

• If your child needs sensory or movement breaks in the lesson, ask that these are made covert, so that they appear more like a functional ‘job’ to your child, such as handing out the books.
  
  

• Ask teachers to model mistake making, to help your child begin to recognise that making mistakes is normal and not something to over-worry about.
  
  

• Ask if they can be scheduled to have one-to-one time with a supportive adult, with whom they can build a bond of trust, and may begin to feel able to talk to about any anxieties at school. This adult can also support them with any friendship difficulties, particularly if they are camouflaging or fawning.

Sadie Gillett is a thought leader in neurodivergence, with a focus on autism. She has 25 years’ experience working with autistic young people, their families, and their schools.